Wednesday, May 7, 2014

New Phobia: Mass Retailers. I Am Wal-Mart!

Good Morning BET's!

I was at Wal-Mart the other day.  I go there frequently to shop for one item that I should have put on a list so that I could combine trips, but I must admit, I enjoy walking the aisles and browsing.  Invariably, I will be approached by a fellow shopper and asked, "Sir, where do you keep your (fill in the blank)."  And this is not solely a Wal-Mart phenomenon for me.  This also happens at Target and Meijer.

Endless Aisles of Deals

My question becomes, why does this happen to me so frequently?  Does this happen to other people as well?  At first, I thought it might be because of the clothes I am wearing.  Maybe I'm wearing a shirt that looks like a blue vest with buttons and a name tag.  I actually checked one time just to make sure.  Nope.  Maybe it's because I have a vacant stare while I am perusing the awesome deals. Maybe I just look like I am in no hurry to leave, so I must be an employee.  No, that is actually counter-intuitive now that I think about it.  So what is it that makes people think I work at these establishments?

Looking at the evidence, I do notice a trend.  When I am at our public library, a venue in which I spend inordinate amounts of time, this  never happens.  I have never been sitting in my lawyer's office and been asked to take a look over someones will.  I also have never been asked for a diagnosis while waiting in the doctor's office.  Why only in mass merchant retailers?

Don't get me wrong.  I started my career in retail at a large discount drug store.  I LOVE retail!  But why, thirty some years later do I carry myself in such a way as to elicit questions about merchandising and store layout?  I think the answer is clear.  I have spent so much time roaming the aisles at these massive stores that a part of my DNA has been altered to reflect this fact.  Wal-Mart, Target and Meijer have actually assimilated me into the fold.  I am Wal-Mart!

Frighteningly, I have noticed other behaviors in myself that lend credence to this theory.  When I take a walk in the woods for instance, I look at the trees and admire their majesty.  But then I catch myself looking at individual branches, trying to find the best leaf, or maybe a better price on one that may be a bit damaged or off center.  When I mow my yard, I find myself mowing first in the places where the customer may not go, to get them to go there first, making them follow an evil maze of turf before they find what they came in here for in the first place.  AHHHhhhhhh!

So, today's life lesson:  Try not to over think things, and shop at Macy's once in a while.  (This has never happened to me at Macy's.)

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